Leeland Loves Deadpool

I’ve seen Deadpool and it gave me an impossible smile.  Deadpool is what gave the Joker those scars, because he was super dehydrated when he watched it.  Deadpool is Digital Dopamine.

Light spoilers, but not really, more like hints.  And, of course, there is foul language ahead.  Fuck you though, just go see it.

Holy fuck does this movie grease my skids, and by grease, I mean shit, and by skids I mean my Spidey Pajamas.  I need to see it againagainagain.  Deadpool is the Mexican Coke of super hero movies, but in a chilled IV bag with Kraken Rum that you jam into your nose and let it drain down your throat.  The movie is endlessly quotable, which I guarantee many idiot nerds are going to do, so you better go fucking see it before they say them in front of you and ruin it for you see it on a lame meme on social media.  It’s a comedian’s monologue superimposed on a breathtaking script.  It’s disjointed, bloody, inside, meta, vulgar, and unhinged like the main character himself.  It’s disturbingly glorious.  If you dislike the verbal boner currently in your ear, stop reading now, as I only get more turned on.

Not only is Deadpool fan service incarnate but it is a damn fine movie as well.  The cinematography beautifully frames and follows the blood drenched fight sequences.  They didn’t fuck it up with any amateur hour bullshit shaky cam either.  Slow motion is used in all the right parts to put the more elaborate acrobatics and choreography on display.  The CG is wonderful, not gratuitous and expertly used.  The acting is katana sharp.  I will likely cry during a specific scene when I see it again with my wife, because I’m a softy, I tend to project, and this is my kind of romance action super hero comedy.  Three people I know, Chris, Jesse and Zach, will cry tears of joy because this movie shouldn’t exist.

#spiderman #deadpool #footfetish #sketch #atxcc2015 #wizardworldaustin #copic

A photo posted by Lee Vanwallene (@hmhmah) on

Valentines is the perfect release date.  This movie has more reasons for a post viewing dickin’ than Titanic.  It will get your lady all hot and steamy and since Ryan won’t be around to satisfy her she will settle for you.  JUST DON’T TAKE YOUR KIDS.  If you need a spoiler filled list of reasons why, ask me in the comments, but it is a Hard R movie, don’t be an idiot.

Reynolds has always been the only person that could play Wade Wilson and this is unquestionably his best role.  Hopefully he makes as many sequels as Wolverine got, it’s much more deserving.  Cable and Deadpool, can you imagine?  Dear universe please make it happen dammit.  At the very least Reynolds stole a costume and he could just do vlogs, comic conventions, eat ice cream in, continue their glorious ad campaign into next year, or just walk around town with it on.

Oh, and the dick jokes.  Fuck is there a mouth full of them.  They emptied out the entire bag of dicks for this movie.  Yeah, don’t worry, there are some boobs too.  My favorite part of the movie is very small, you might miss it if by that point you have gone blind with laughter, let’s just say Deadpool is a grower.

You go to see a Spider-Man movie excited, but then he’s more a thief than he is a scientist and inventor.  You go to see a new Batman movie excited but then he isn’t much of a detective.  You go see a Wolverine movie and he is tall.  You go to see Fantastic Four but Dr. Doom is a Putty from Power Rangers.  You went to see Dredd but they can’t seem to make a sequel.  Don’t put up with that shit anymore, just see Deadpool, and then see it again.

Much love,

Leeland.

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